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Let's assume
you were abducted by aliens. Heck, if you grew up in Arkansas,
it probably happened all the time.
Only this time,
instead of just flying you around and then dumping you back
in a peat bog somewhere, they decided to keep you for their
captive human breeding program.
They'd have to
feed you, right? Of course, that might be a problem because,
after all, your usual fare isn't available — there
aren't any cows or chickens or fields of wheat around —
you're in space!
So after studying
your physiology, the brainy aliens design a meal replacement
— a food designed to be a compete meal. It has to be
pretty much the perfect food for humans. It contains the
most evolved proteins known to science. It contains nominal
but essential amounts of fats (no trans fatty acids, of
course).
Beyond all that,
it contains something earth really isn't familiar with:
functional carbohydrates. It even has exotic nutrients in
it to feed the bacteria in your gut that play a part in
gut health, not to mention increasing nitrogen retention.
And, holy moons
of Neptune, it tasted great....
"How the
heck did they do that?" you ask. Well, they're advanced
aliens, for Pete's sake! They can do anything they want!
They've got technology we can't even comprehend!
Okay, forgive
my lame science fiction intro, but science fiction is what
comes to mind when I take a look at Biotest's new Metabolic
Drive Complete because it almost seems too good to be true.
Comparing this 2006 version of an MRP to the ones that first
started showing up about 16 years ago is like comparing
today's cell phones to their shoebox-sized ancestors that
started popping up around the same time.
Many of you are
familiar with Biotest's first MRP, Classic Grow! It was
a fine product, but it was built with yesterday's technology
and yesterday's nutritional beliefs. Metabolic Drive Complete
is its high-tech successor.
Let's look at
its profile, working down from the macro to the micro.
Each serving
has 41 grams of protein, consisting of whey-protein concentrate,
highly prized micellar casein, milk-protein concentrate,
whey-protein isolate, calcium caseinate, and whey-protein
isolate.
If you're not
familiar with micellar casein, it's the absolute Ferrari
of proteins. It's pure, elegant, highly anabolic, very difficult
to make, and generally very expensive.
Beyond the micellar
casein, the assorted proteins might not mean anything to
you, but I do want to point out one important fact. The
aliens...I mean, Tim and I, included a couple of protein
concentrates in the blend for one very important reason:
while isolates are great, they don't possess the valuable
immunological fractions that we, along with a lot of scientists,
feel are important to human health.
Believe me, they
are cool and you want them.
Now let's take
a look at our carbohydrate blend. Each serving has an average
of 21 grams of carbohydrates (the chocolate flavor and the
vanilla flavor have slightly different amounts), but oh,
what carbohydrates they are!
Almost 6 grams
consist of rice oligodextrin, which is a very slow-to-burn,
low glycemic index carbohydrate that help sooth the gastrointestinal
tract. We literally put as much of this exotic, functional
carbohydrate into the formula as we could afford!
Another 6 grams
of carbohydrate comes from a blend of rice bran, barley
flour, oat fiber, Psyllium husk, brown rice flour, apple
fiber, inulin, fibersol, and cellulose gum.
If you're not
a fiber freak, let me tell you that's a great blend of healthy,
largely natural soluble and insoluble fibers.
The remainder
of the carbs consists of milk sugars and gums that ensure
cohesiveness and a smooth mouth feel that's similar to an
ice cream milkshake.
As far as fat,
each serving contains 8 grams, consisting of sunflower oil
and some naturally occurring milk fats.
While that covers
the macronutrients, there are a few intangibles that deserve
a little attention. While most people don't think much about
the gut, it's crucial to health and anabolism. After all,
how are you going to grow if you have lousy nutrient absorption?
With that in
mind, we've included a little-known ingredient in Metabolic
Drive Complete that's known as glucono-delta-lactone, or
GDL. Japanese health food manufacturers have long known
about how GDL is actually the preferred nutrient for intestinal
bacterium, more so than the fructooligosaccharides that
are their natural food stuff. While Americans rarely use
GDL, we've included it in Metabolic Drive Complete.
As far as the
sweetener, we've used a blend of various dextrins (including
the rice ogligodextrin described above) and a small amount
of the most evolved sweetener on the planet, sucralose.
Here's the Supplement
Facts Panel so you can study it for yourself:
You may have noticed
that we didn't include any additional vitamins or minerals
other than those that occur naturally in the ingredients.
We feel that Australia, as a whole, is "over-vitaminized"
(Is that even a word?).
Every "fortified" food product
you can buy on the grocery store shelf contains pretty much
the same, generic vitamin pack produced by the same one
or two companies. Hey, how many thousands of milligrams
of molybdenum do we need, anyhow?
Besides, most of us take multi-vitamins.
So, rather than perpetuate this vitamin
scam, we left 'em out.
One thing you'll surely notice when
you drink Metabolic Drive Complete is the complete absence
of intestinal discomfort. That's right, no bloat and none
of what my uncle used to call "gastriasis," just
a pleasant, long-lasting feeling of being full and satisfied.
Furthermore, in our trials, we've
found that even people who are lactose intolerant handle
Metabolic Drive Complete without problems.
Many of you might have "gotten
away" from drinking meal replacement products. It's
no wonder, given that carbs have gotten such a bad rap in
the last couple of years. However, the truth is, complete
meals are necessary if you're a competitive athlete or you're
trying to build your body.
It's nearly impossible to build a
body eating only protein.
While low-carb foods like Low-Carb
Metabolic Drive are valuable as a protein supplement, bodybuilders
and athletes need complete meals, too, especially if they're
trying to add muscle. They need delicious Metabolic Drive
Complete.
While Classic Grow! tasted great,
this stuff is even better. When I brought my date home last
night, I even dabbed a bit on both of her ears, allowing
me to nibble blissfully on one ear and my dog on the other.
Let's see, have I left anything out?
Oh yeah, the price.
In the mid-nineties, meal replacement
products de-volved. That's right, they went down in quality.
The price of high-quality proteins went up, so manufacturers,
for the most part, started using every protein source just
shy of road kill to bolster the protein content of their
products.
Unfortunately, it continues to this
day.
However, since Biotest avoids middlemen
and sells its proteins direct-only, we can make superior
protein blends and keep them in this universe, economically
speaking.
I tell you, if Metabolic Drive Complete
were sold in stores, it's exotic proteins and functional
carbohydrates would demand a price of at least 150 dollars.
However, given our direct-only policy,
we can sell you Metabolic Drive Complete for only $74.95
per tub.
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